Parents talk about their kids. It is a fact of parenting and family life that our children may overhear us talking to our friends, grandparents, or spouse about something the child did or didn’t do. Hearing a parent’s negative talk or reporting can be devastating or angering though. We can turn the tales on this reality by letting our children overhear us saying positive and good things about them, and not the criticism.
Overhearing praise can be powerful. I know that my own children have often accused me of saying something positive because “you have to, you’re my mom!” But, when they overhear some positive praise when they think that we do not know they are standing by, it has more meaning and helps to instill a sense of pride and a feeling of appreciation. I’m not talking gushing, over-the-top prideful boasting here, but just making sure that when we are talking about things our children do and say when they are likely to overhear, they hear us saying good stuff and not self-esteem-crushing criticism.
This can be hard! We need to commiserate and we need support as parents, and we may actually be trying to find a confidante who can give us advice or share wisdom about some parent-child issues. But these conversations are best had in situations and environments where the child isn’t likely to overhear. Meet a friend or grandparent for coffee or go for a walk—instead of having a phone conversation full of all sorts of complaints about a child while the child is within listening radius. Even very young children, who you think might NOT be listening, can absorb all sorts of negative impressions that you may have not intended. With a little tact and consideration, a parent can have a positive effect on the child’s self-esteem and help them to feel appreciated and adored, not criticized and ashamed.
See Also: Crying in Front of Your Children