As adults we tend to forget how important making friends can be to our kids. Tyler has been worried the past few weeks that he won’t make friends when we return to New Orleans. He’s especially concerned about being the “new kid” in the class. School starts after Labor Day but there’s a chance we may not return until school is in session because my house is not quite ready. The plan is to homeschool him until we return. I have assured him that he will make friends. He has the kind of personality that draws kids to him. Just the other day we were at the library and it was weird because these kids were following him around like the Pied Piper!
Several people have informed me that my house will probably be the house where all the kids hang out. That’s okay; I don’t mind Tyler being popular (to a point). At this stage, I wish he wasn’t so stressed about the whole friends thing. Some parents seem just, if not more, stressed over whether or not their kids will be able to make friends. I think that accounts for the surge in playdates. Which, incidentally, I don’t believe in. I think friendships should occur naturally, not because parents arrange them.
When I was a kid, we played with the kids in the neighborhood and with our cousins and sometimes with the children of our parents. As we aged, we developed friendships with our classmates. Again, it was a natural process forged by common interests, likes and dislikes.
When Tyler talks about his concerns, I remind him of the friends he made in kindergarten. I also point out how kids flock to him when we are at the library, playground and sometimes simply at the mall. I try to assure him that he won’t have problems making friends. Still he sometimes seems anxious. I feel this will pass when he returns to school and actually makes friends. Then he will see that he didn’t have anything to worry about.
Is there something I can do to help him make friends? I think the best thing I can do is put him in situations where he can meet kids that he might become friends with, but again, nothing forced. He wants to learn karate, for instance. This is a perfect opportunity for him to meet someone that he might hit it off with.
In this age of extreme and helicopter parenting, there’s a tendency to try to manage every aspect of our kids lives including helping them to make friends. If we simply step back, friendships will happen naturally.
See also:
Helping Children Learn About Making Friends