As most of you know, my children are older–all older teenagers but they all still live at home. Instead of T-ball, simple social spats, and summer camp, we are dealing with things like choosing college and careers, driving, and identity struggles. Still, I find that some parenting techniques that worked well when they were younger and “coming up”–continue to work well. AND, I anticipate that I will be able to modify and use them as they become adults too. One such philosophy is to let the kids work on their problems and struggles first, before I step in and try to help. Often, they can come up with solutions on their own and even if it isn’t exactly as I would do it, each time they get stronger, smarter and more confident and better able to problem solve and work things out.
I know that this seems like incredibly simple advice, but it is also some of the hardest to follow–at least that has been my experience. It is tough watching our kids as they are frustrated or overwhelmed or struggling. But, they generally can come up with some pretty decent solutions or suggestions if we just give them enough space and support. It can be so tempting to step in with the “let me do it for you” of a parent; and some children learn early how to turn to mom or dad and say “you do it for me” instead of coping with the struggles of figuring it out on their own. It may start with zipping their jacket or tying their shoes, but it can eventually become big things like solving social problems, doing school projects, applying to college, voting, etc. We really do want our kids to be able to make decisions and problem solve, but we have to refrain from stepping in to early to save the day.
Also: Using Kids’ Ideas and Solutions
Are You Solving Other People’s Problems Instead of Your Own?