We parents seem to be biologically programmed to swoop in at the first sign of trouble and rescue our children. After all, we want to keep them safe and teach and guide them and we worry about what will happen if we are not there to make everything right. There is much to be learned for a child, however, in having to try to fix its own problems and mistakes. Instead of immediately telling or showing your child what to do when he or she has created a problem or is faced with a challenge—let the child figure out how to fix it without your help, if possible.
I have written before about trying not to intervene in a child’s life unless it is necessary, but I think intervention is different from helping, advising, or fixing a child’s problem. Especially if your child has created the problem himself, I think that the natural consequence should be problem-solving and trying to fix it on his own. Of course, he may need help, but I think it is character building for him to be allowed to try to fix it on his own first, before asking for help from mom or dad. Then, we have to think through whether our helping out is truly helping or keeping the child from facing the natural and reasonable consequences. Encouraging him to keep working on a solution may be the most loving thing we can do.
Before even offering advice or starting to tell your child all the things she could or should do, allow her to work on it herself. By staying a little detached and letting her know that you have faith that she can fix the problem herself, you are not only allowing the natural consequences to unfold, you are promoting self-esteem and growing maturity. Of course, stand by and be ready to help if needed, but let the child try to fix things on her own first.