We all have them: Little bits of prejudice that we don’t like to admit to. Nevertheless, they are there and they hurt. They have an impact on the way we view the world, whether we like it or not. There are many words for it – profiling, bias, stereotyping, ageism. Teenage moms are not immune to this any more than other soldiers of the mommy wars. But that doesn’t make it any more ethical for a person, another mom even, to assume that a woman’s age will determine how well she is able to mother her children.
It is true that women of all walks of life, all ages and all backgrounds are capable of raising children well, with the correct amount of support and information. Being a successful parent is not about each aspect, but has more to do with the sum of all of our parts. As a former teen mom and a young-looking person to boot, I’ve received my share of ageist comments regarding my parenting abilities. The real issue is that the people delivering these comments rarely realized how offending they were. Often, they were simply stating what they believed to be true. Or perhaps they were relating what they themselves had seen to be true – I’m not sure which.
It is also true that women of all walks of life, all ages and all backgrounds are equally capable of being horrible at parenting. I will go so far as to blame this not solely on the woman herself, but on society as a whole. The mere stigma of being a young mother – unmarried, on welfare, dependant, needy, etc. – can burden a person to the point of depression. Young mothers often share this stigma with the divorced, single mom; the stay-at-home mom who seemingly is no more than mother and house maid; the family whose income barely pays the rent. Our society is built on differing levels of indignation, when it should be built of rungs of support.
If you are a pregnant teen, I encourage you to break free of the stereotypes that bind you. You CAN be a wonderful parent. You are the sum of your parts; you are more than your age alone. You can grow into yourself and become the mother you need to be. Actually, I’m here to say that you have to, because it’s not all about you anymore. And that is certainly something all mothers can relate to.
If you know a pregnant teen, teen mom, or any mom for that matter, your support may be the best gift you can give. After all, good mothers make for a good society.
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