One of my favorite friends has a saying she uses when people start getting caught up in reviewing all the “shoulds” and “coulds” in their lives. She will say, “You’re just going to have to let that go.” It’s a great reminder that we really can immobilize ourselves with outside expectations and media or “traditional” images and spend all our time beating ourselves up. For the single parent, those external images and expectations are everywhere and if we are to be happy and effective, not to mention enjoy parenting and our families, “we’re going to have to let all that go!”
I know it isn’t easy–boy, do I know that one. It can be incredibly tough when we feel like we are swimming in a world where we are going against the current instead of with it. But, you might find that if you let go of all those preconceived ideas about what family life is “supposed” to be like, or what sort of life or parent you imagine that you should be, you’ll be able to relax and feel good about the job you are doing.
I’m not June Cleaver, nor am I Mrs.Brady or really any of those spoon-fed images of motherhood that we see on television and in movies every day. But, when you sit down to think about it, who really is? When I get so wrapped up in the realities of my life that I forget to compare myself to anyone else or all those images and imagined expectations, I am amazed at how great, competent, and secure I feel. And why not celebrate and appreciate the families we do have and the parents that we are, instead of kicking ourselves over the images and expectations that we are not meeting? Our kids will be better off for it, and we will too!
Also: Allowing Your Own Parenting Style to Emerge
Keeping a Realistic Perspective