When a teenager decides to take a path you never hoped they would travel, nor did you ever imagine they would, it can result in a mother questioning her abilities. I know because I have been there.
You ask yourself what signs you might have missed. I know because I asked myself that.
You wonder if you could have changed the course. I know because I have wondered the same thing.
You wonder if it will ever get better. I know because I had those concerns. And you ask yourself, “What can I do to make sure this never happens again.” It’s a question I constantly ask myself.
Here are some things I discovered through some challenging moments with one of my teens. First, it is okay to question your abilities. I think the bigger problem rests in those moms who feel too confident in themselves.
The truth is that we don’t have all the answers. We won’t always handle things the right way. We can’t predict what the future will bring and we are certainly limited in the control we have over our teens.
As soon as I start believing I have this mother thing down, that’s when I think I am really in trouble. Just as our teens are learning and growing, so are we as parents.
The second important thing I discovered through my challenges is that yes, I did miss some signs. But at the same time, I had a naivety about things. So while I can’t go back and change that, I also choose to not beat myself up over it.
As I considered my ability to change the course my teen was on, I had to be honest and admit that there was very little I could have done. Sure, some of my decisions may not have helped but my teen is not a puppet on some string.
There was also a time I didn’t believe things would ever get better. But with time, healing and lots of communication, it did. In other words mom, there is hope.
Finally, there is no way we can control the future. So although I don’t want to go into it with fears, I have come to realize that you never know what life will throw at you.
Can I make sure what happened never happens again? Not entirely. I can put some things in place that perhaps will help. But there are no guarantees.
With so many uncertainties you would think I might not have much hope. Oh, quite the contrary. I feel freedom instead.
I don’t let guilt and regrets bind me. Because that is where imprisonment really begins. I let
hope light my path…and trust it will be a part of my teen’s path as well.
Related Articles:
Love Your Teen Even When They Are Unlovable
Parenting Teens Is Like a Rollercoaster Ride
Photo by I Craig in Flickr