Single parent families have a tendency to be stoic families. We adjust to the realities of our situation and often end up not only surviving, but thriving. Keeping everything all together can sometimes leave little room for our children to express and experience their feelings. We may be so busy telling everyone that everything is “fine” that we don’t allow our kids to process through their feelings of grief, frustration, fear, insecurity, etc.
Part of our job as single parents is to create a safe and secure place where our children CAN express and cope with all their feelings without feeling like they need to protect us or take care of our feelings. Our kids are pretty bright and they know that we are hurting or distracted or fearful. If we let our emotions take precedent, then our children don’t get the chance to work through their own emotions regarding the divorce, loss, death, re-marriage, or new family structure. And, our children need to be able to do that in order to move on in a healthy way.
As the parent, we may need to check in regularly with our children and ask them how things are going in order to stimulate conversation and their expression of their troubling feelings. It’s so easy to get caught up in the every-day realities of running a household and taking care of a family single-handedly, and not noticing when our children need to work through emotional issues. It is important that we “get the ball rolling” in order to create the environment where our kids know that they can not only express, but count on us to help them work through anything. We need our children to be able to express things, so we can pay attention. Our attentiveness and reassurances will help our family move through crisis and grief in order to be strong and healthy.
See Also: Having Respect for the Past and Expecting Too Much During Times of Crisis and Transition