I cannot count the times that parents have lamented to me about two sides of the same issue—they are either upset that their child won’t give up something—a bottle, pacifier, sleeping in the crib, diapers, training wheels, etc., or they are upset that the child WANTS to give up something—the bottle, pacifier, sleeping in the crib, diapers, training wheels, etc. Instead of letting our child determine when he or she is ready to give something up, we parents seem to think we should exert more control and be the ones who choose when the child is done. In my opinion, letting the child lead us can make for a lot less stress and more esteem on the part of the child.
Every child is different and there seem to be natural stages for children where they are ready to give things up or need to cling to old habits for security. Many parents try to force children to either give things up too early when they are not ready or they try to force them to continue to do things that they are ready to drop. I know with my own children that when they were ready to let go of things like pacifiers and diapers, it went relatively smoothly—they just decided and were motivated on their own. If I tried to force an issue or insisted that they continue to do something they were finished with—we had power struggles, battles, and tears.
For example, my middle daughter weaned herself from breastfeeding to a cup at about 7 ½ months. I was sad to see it go and I could have forced and fought with her, but she was ready and very proud of being just like her big sister with her sippy cup. Now that I have had nearly two decades with her, I see that is very much her personality—she is eager to try new things and move on to new stages and she has always been determined to try to “catch up” with her 15-month older sister. Had I tried to force her to continue nursing, I know now that she would have stubbornly refused and we would have had power struggles and battles instead of the smooth transition we did. My other two nursed for a few months longer, but they too developed a natural interest in drinking from a cup and feeding themselves.
Even though children sometimes need a little nudging, I think parents sometimes need a little nudging too. We can give the child more credit for being able to guide us when he or she is ready to leave something behind.
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