Teenagers have a way of making you forget they are still kids. Sometimes, they can seem so self-composed, so wise, so responsible, that you forget that they are not already solid adults. They’re not. One door-slamming temper tantrum or an “I forgot” and you’ll come crashing back to reality. The fact is, we have to let our kids really BE teenagers—not kids, and definitely not adults.
I try to talk to and treat my teens “as if” they are adults. This doesn’t mean that I am in any way fooled into thinking they are already there in terms of maturity and responsibility. BUT, I get that developmentally they are no longer children and I have to find some balance in my parenting. I’m still the mom, but I’m trying to coax them along to adulthood and by speaking to them and attempting to treat them as I would an adult, I’m hoping that I’m setting an expectation.
That said, I do think there needs to be some leeway and freedom for the teenager. After all, they really aren’t full-fledged grown-ups yet. It is very much like when they are smaller—we don’t expect our toddler to behave and act like a fourth-grader (not that we might not have momentary wishes). They might have jobs and vocabulary and be making plans for their futures, but they are not really there quite yet.
So, I have got to have some patience and foster some appreciation for the stage they are in now. They are definitely NOT mini-adults, and they are certainly not overgrown kids—they are teenagers, and it is a time and phase that is fraught with its own unique challenges and joys. We all just have to work on NOT being in a hurry to get on to the next big thing…
Also: Who Am I? The Task of the Teenager…
Don’t Understand Kids? Fake It!