We often talk about the road to independence here in the Parents blog and we also talk about teaching, guidance and intervention. I thought that it was high time we talk about letting our children solve problems without a word or intervention from us as parents. It can be hard; much easier said than done; but if they are to develop problem-solving skills and confidence, the children need opportunities to tackle things without our getting in the way.
When a child is learning to walk, he or she falls down—it is a given. As a parent do you rush over and help the child up or do you allow him or her to figure out how to get back up on his or her own? If the child is going to develop confidence and learn how to get back up again, we let him figure it out on his own. Sure, we may be standing by, but we let him do all the work and it is best if we do not intervene and tell him how to do it either.
As kids get older, it may seem like the stakes are higher so we don’t want to let them make mistakes and figure out how to solve them. We see how their lives can be changed if they make these big fumbles so we want to step in, intervene, and fix things before they go too wrong. This may seem like not only the compassionate parental reaction, but also the most practical. Is it really in the best interest of the child, however?
The more we can let our child learn how to solve problems—especially ones of her own making—without our offering advice, suggestions, or getting in the way—the more she will learn the problem-solving and resiliency skills that she will need in life. We cannot always be there to step in and bail them out when life gets messy.