I am not sure what I expected life with a baby and a toddler would be like. In fact, I am pretty sure that I did not have any expectations. For some reason, I simply did not think about what it would be like until Blake came along. In hindsight it is probably best that I did not have any preexisting expectations because they may have been completely different than what has actually transpired during the past seven months.
The first couple of months were a blur, as things normally are after the arrival of a new baby. Time passed, and things sorted themselves out on their own. Dylan eventually stopped asking why Mommy left him and whether Mommy was going to have to go to the hospital again. For the first three or four months, he would ask me about that every night as we cuddled in bed and it broke my heart. Our night time conversations center around many other topics now, which is so much more enjoyable.
Dylan also weaned, on his own schedule. It was not easy, but I had made a promise to myself and to him when he was born that he could nurse for as long as he needed to and wean in his own time. The first three or four months after Blake arrived were very difficult, nursing a newborn and a toddler often both at the same time. I felt resentful at times, and wanted desperately for Dylan to just stop nursing already. Somehow I was able to rein in my frustration and let him do what he needed to do. Gradually, he stopped nursing as frequently, and eventually he stopped altogether.
The best thing that has happened over the past seven months besides learning how to somewhat effectively juggle caring for a baby and a toddler has been watching the relationship between the boys develop. Dylan went from being angry at and resentful of his baby brother to being considerate and kind (most of the time) in ways that seem almost beyond his years. He loves to share bits of food from his plate with Blake, who has started experimenting with solid foods. He also loves to entertain Blake, racing up and down the living room floor or making silly faces. When Blake cries, Dylan often rushes to him and tries to comfort him.
Blake seems to adore his older brother, watching him like a hawk all day long and trying to do what he does. He smiles and coos at Dylan often, and kicks his legs when Dylan runs. As ear – piercing as their shrieking contests are, I grin and bear it because I know that on some level they are communicating with each other, forming that bond of brotherhood. It really is the sweetest thing. Of course, there are moments when I catch myself saying things that I never realized would come out of my mouth, like “Your brother is not a xylophone”. There are also times when I have to quickly scoop Blake off of the floor before Dylan rolls onto him or tries to wrestle with him. I guess that it is all part and parcel of brotherly love.