Lighthouse parenting is one of many different parenting styles. The overall goal with this parenting style is to provide your teenagers with a stable beacon that they can turn to for guidance. It is a balance between protecting your teens from harm and giving them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes.
The lighthouse parenting style was created by Kenneth Ginsburg, MD, MSEd. He has a book called “Raising Kids to Thrive: Balancing Love With Expectations and Protection With Trust”. In the book, he describes lighthouse parenting by saying that parents should be like lighthouses for their children, “beacons of light on a stable shoreline from which they can safely navigate the world.”
He goes on to explain, “We must make sure they don’t crash against the rocks, but trust they have the capacity to learn to ride the waves on their own”. It is a parenting style that is an option for parents who have teenagers. In fact, when Ginsburg was writing his book, he actually asked 500 teens about what they wanted from their parents. Ginsburg is also the parent of two teenage daughters.
How does lighthouse parenting work? The goal is to balance unconditional love with high expectations. Love your teens even when they make mistakes. It is appropriate for parents to aim high with their expectations for things like grades, morals, and responsibility. The key is to remember to show love for your teenagers even after they have made mistakes or failed to live up to your high expectations.
Avoid the tendency to become a helicopter parent. Lighthouse parenting requires parents to allow their teens to venture into the world, armed with the parents expectations and love. It requires the parents to trust their teens to do the right thing. In this way, parents give their teens the opportunity to make decisions (and to learn from mistakes).
Another goal of lighthouse parenting is for parents to start meaningful conversations with their teens. The key here is for the parents to be a sounding board, not a dictator. These type of conversations are a way for parents and teens to develop trust.
Want your kids to have high moral standards? Lighthouse parenting requires parents to be a role model for the moral standards they want their teenagers to have. Parents who want their teen to treat others with respect need to treat their teens with respect.
The overall result of lighthouse parenting is to provide parents with the confidence they need to parent during the teenage years (which can be turbulent). The outcome will be teenagers who become adults who are ready to venture out into the world on their own.
Image by Aron Cooperman on flickr
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