“You don’t love me anymore!”
The words launched out of my daughter’s mouth like a heat-seeking missile aimed directly at my heart.
She was three. I was stunned.
Her verbal attack was a retort to my unwavering demand that she put away her wooden puzzles and get into bed RIGHT.NOW.MISSY.
Her first reaction was to kick and whine, like an overtired three-year-old.
My first reaction was to ignore the flailing arms and tears, and redirect her attention to the hallway which leads to her bedroom.
When the tantrum elevated to include ear-piercing screams and flying puzzle pieces I bent down, picked her up from the floor, looked her squarely in the eyes and seethed: “I don’t like how you are acting. Now, get into bed.”
Like a wounded solider digging deep to find his last bit of ammunition, my daughter stood before me in momentary silence while her brain scrambled to find just the right words to pierce her mother’s heart: “You don’t love me anymore!”
Direct hit. Mission accomplished.
After the initial sting wore off, I quickly ushered my weeping child into her room, kissed her forehead and whispered, “I don’t like that you threw a fit, but I love you forever.”
I knew my words would fly over her head like a bunch of F-15s prior to the kickoff of a NFL game, but I was hoping that at least the last four would resonate before I left her alone to drift off to dreamland by herself.
Depending on the child’s age the “You don’t love me” dagger could be used to manipulate an unsuspecting parent, but when the words fall out of a three-year-old’s mouth it’s likely because she wants to be reassured that she is still the center of your world.
However, it’s also a great chance to teach kids the difference between “like” and “love,” and how a person can love another, but dislike his actions or poor decisions. Sadly, it’s a lesson many adults in our society have yet to learn.
You can love someone and not like them.
Dysfunctional or emotionally challenged family members fall into this category, as do complicated friends and warring spouses.
Love is a gift that never fails. Liking comes and goes.
Recognizing the difference between the two at an early age is something you can’t put a price tag on.
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