This past week Dr. Phil had yet another show on teen trends. This one was regarding a legal substance that teens are using to get high on, tattoos and dangerous stunts. There was something he said at the end of the show that really stuck out to me. It was about dialoging with our teens. He said to listen and not judge.
That can be very difficult for parents. Many times our teens really don’t make sense. Their thinking can be skewed. It can be based on false beliefs, misperceptions, deception or just immaturity. Yet no matter how “wrong” we believe their thinking is, it is what it is.
I find myself fighting this battle more and more, listening without judging. This is especially true when it comes to my daughter who shares stories about “girl drama.” She will tell me what one friend has done to another friend or who isn’t talking to who and why. I have lots of opinions, believe me. It is a real battle to not interject and tell her what I think is right.
However if I do that, I will shut her down. She doesn’t want me to judge, she just wants me to listen. So what I have to do is offer my input only when she asks it. Unfortunately that rarely happens. So I am learning that my job right now is to focus on listening and not judging.
I like the way Dr. Phil described it. As soon as we start judging we might as well zip their mouths shut. They will close up. They will be done talking and the reality is that they may decide it is not really safe to share anything with you. That is the last thing you want to happen.
So if there is one thing you could really work on as a parent of a teen, it would be to listen and not judge. You will notice how much more willing your teen is to talk.