When I got home last night, my husband was upstairs, still putting the kids to bed. It sounded pretty quiet, but there was still a sleepy mumble or two coming from the bedrooms. I decided to stay downstairs until I knew the kids were asleep, in order not to rouse them.
There wasn’t enough time to do much else that wouldn’t make noise, so I grabbed a basket of laundry to fold and popped on the television. A movie was on called Little Children. It seemed pretty interesting, but I soon learned that the main character was in the middle of a loveless marriage. There were so many wrong choices that this couple was making. The characters themselves, and what subsequently unfolded, made the movie interesting, but I confess what little I saw really disturbed me, and I was happily able to shut the television off at the moment when the wife was about to have sex in the laundry room with the stay at home dad she met on the playground.
Now, from what I saw of the movie went much deeper than just infidelity. There were several themes and foreshadowing that made me quickly realize I didn’t want to watch the rest of this movie. But one thing that I came away with, as I climbed up the stairs to bed was that it struck me just how easily it seemed that a couple can live in a loveless marriage and how easily the spouses will seek fulfillment elsewhere. Why is this?
Being married isn’t necessarily easy. Sometimes you have to try and make things work when you aren’t feeling so loving toward your spouse. You have to remember that you choose your spouse, and it is up to you to discover how to get through the bad time to emerge with a stronger marriage.
Recall the traits that you love or loved about your spouse. What has changed? Is it really your spouse who changed, or is it just your perspective that has changed? Maybe you used to love his sense of being fun loving, and that same sense annoys you now that he isn’t interested in taking care of the bills, for example.
Accept your spouse and allow that love to shine through the way it did once.
Discovering that you don’t feel any love for your spouse can be devastating. But if love was there once, I really believe that it can be there again. With a willing heart, hard work, a commitment to each other, and some help, you can save even a loveless marriage.
You can read more blog posts by Mary Ann Romans here!
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