The follow habits are good tips for any marriage. Even the best of marriages have their stumbling blocks and when you employ these habits it can help foster a positive relationship between the two of you. When you make an effort on both sides of the equation, your marriage can be a tremendous source of comfort and power for the both of you.
Habit #1
Do not leave home in the morning without finding out about at least one positive thing that will happen for your spouse that day. Talk about your plans with each other including what you will be doing over lunch and after work. Take time at least once a week to talk about how each of you are feeling about what is happening in your lives and how you are both feeling. It’s important to share the emotional ups and downs, insecurities and confidences. It builds up the emotional closeness in your marriage to keep your fingers on the pulse of what is happening in each of your personal worlds.
Habit #2
We all have a habit of making assumptions and we all have preconceived notions of how marriage should be. These notions may include where to spend family holidays and how much money needs to be put aside weekly and where to go to Church on Sundays and what types of meals are special occasions. There’s nothing wrong with these assumptions, but it’s really important to let your partner know what you are expecting and to know what their expectations are at the same time.
This isn’t about putting positive spin on negative actions, but instead of saying: ‘I am disappointed’ in my marriage – ask yourself, what expectations did I have that weren’t met? Then think about whether or not your spouse was aware of those expectations. For me – this falls into the same category as: if you are doing somnething that bothers me and I don’t tell you about it – the next time you do it – it’s not your fault that it bothers me because I chose to say nothing.
Habit #3
Take the time on holidays or anniversaries to revisit the goals and dreams you both share. For example, on a wedding anniversary – don’t just celebrate the last few years of your marriage. Plan ahead for the future. Talk about where you both want to be whether it’s going back to school, getting a promotion, changing careers or having a baby. Sharing your goals and dreams can help you both stay in touch with what matters to each of you and can help you commit to helping each other. Remember, we change from year to year, both personally and in our marriages. We evolve, we grow and develop. Keeping these channels of communication open – helps us to grow together instead of apart.
Habit #4
Fight fairly. Control how you take your temper out on each other. It’s not unusual for couples to disagree – in fact, some of the happiest marriages I’ve ever seen were between people who could argue and disagree without tearing each other down. Build positive conflict resolution skills and try to avoid those habits that lead to nagging, shutting each other down or open hositility that doesn’t let you listen to or hear your partner.
Habit #5
Finally, the last habit to develop is to remember to praise your partner. I remember, years and years ago, when my husband and I were still getting to know each other and learning about the way each other ticked. He told me something profound that I have never forgotten. He told me about how he’d always been pretty good at things, but few people ever praised his accomplishments. Yet, his friends, people who meant so much to him, couldn’t wait for him to make a mistake. They’d never let him forget those and seemed to take good humor in the idea that he could screw up or fail. Knowing that praise meant so much to him – I made it a point to praise him – even when I knew he’d be good at something. Just because someone is good at something or talented doesn’t mean we shouldn’t praise their accomplishments and talents. Praise and compliments are a vital ingredient in any relationship.
So what habits have you formed to help build a stronger, healthier relationship?
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