As parents we really do want the best for our children. I don’t think any parent intends to do wrong by their child. However without realizing it we may be making some big parenting mistakes. One of those mistakes that some parents make is to live through their children.
Sometimes we do this because we want our children to be interested in the same things we are interested in. Or we do this because we want our children to do what we were never able to do.
To me there is nothing sadder than a child being forced to do something simply because it is what the parent wants. I personally know parents who do this. I am in this season of my life where most of my closet friends also have teenagers. I see some of them being forced into career paths or hobbies that they would rather not be in.
When my now 16-year-old son was a preschooler my husband wanted him to play T-ball. My husband is very athletic and grew up playing ball, so naturally when his firstborn ended up being a son; he assumed that he would follow the same path.
However we would learn early on that he didn’t have the same athletic bent as my husband. I clearly recall that first official game. My husband took off work just so he could see his son play his first T-ball game.
While the other boys were in the field preparing to catch a ball, our son was picking flowers and looking up into the sky. He was paying no attention to the game. My husband was embarrassed and a bit upset. In the end I withdrew him from T-ball when he made it clear that he didn’t want to play.
As my son grew older my husband would still try to engage him in sports. He would try to throw the football with him, shoot a few hoops but our son was just never interested. I don’t know at what point my husband finally realized he wasn’t going to be the athlete he had hoped for, but there came some point when he accepted it.
Although it took my husband a bit longer I was able to accept that right away. I have always felt that nothing is more important than letting our children be who they are meant to be. Today my son’s passions are playing the guitar and flying. He is very involved in Civil Air Patrol, an extension of the Air Force and could end up joining the military. He knows that no matter what, he wants to fly. He wants to be a pilot.
I think back to those preschool days and wonder what would have happened if we had forced him to continue playing sports and doing what we wanted. I would possibly have missed out on hearing him strum that guitar and watch him take off in a plane. He is who he is and that is who he should be.
Parents really need to guard against trying to live through their children. Let your child be who they were created to be and do what they were destined to do.
Related Articles:
Learn Your Teen’s Love Language
Parents Please Teach Your Children to be Leaders