Years ago I remember someone saying if a guy is considering marriage he needs to look at the girl’s Mom, because that’s what he could be looking at years down the track. Now the problem with that is that it is very stereotypical and as Angela pointed out in a comment on another blog, people don’t always follow the stereotypes. The key here is always because often they do. So it’s worth while taking a good long look at the family your intended comes from. It might alert you to problems.
For example, years ago I knew a guy whose father an alcoholic. At the time I knew him this young man didn’t touch alcohol at all because he’d see the effects of it. He’d seen his Dad beat his mother up when drunk and come in for his share of whacks himself at his father’s hands when under the influence. You’d have thought it would have taught him something.
Sadly, somewhere along the line his ideas changed and what happened was he ended up following the same path as his father. He was drunk even on his wedding day and that was before the service started.
Of course it doesn’t always work out like that. It can have the opposite effect, that someone has seen the problems and dangers and so makes a conscious effort in their marriage to do the exact opposite. But it still often leaves scars. Girls, who have suffered abuse whether sexual, physical or verbal, at the hands of their fathers, can grow up with a skewed view of men and have difficulty trusting any man. Depending on their personality and the influence of the parents, they can also repeat the mistakes in their own marriage by marrying the same kind of man or with their own children.
Of course they could also do the exact opposite and marry a gentle man, the opposite of their father. They could make up their minds never to hit their child or discipline them in any way. So while it’s an idea to look at the family, it’s a guide or a clue only not a hard and fast rule.
Related blogs
Are You Eroding Your Marriage?
A Little Spoiling Goes a Long Way
Parenting- The Hardest Job Out
Respectful Relationships to Counter Horrifying Statistics
The Effects of Alcohol on Marriage