The traditional words of the marriage ceremony require the woman to promise to ‘obey.’ Did you promise to obey? I didn’t. Our minister suggested ‘cherish.’ That’s what both of us did – we promised to love, honor and cherish.
Why the difference and does it makes a difference? Promises are something that Mick and I take seriously and I couldn’t in all conscience to promise to obey. No, it wasn’t that I am a rampant feminist and against submitting to my husband, because I’m not. Obedience speaks more of a sense of duty rather than any other emotion. Cherish has a lot of other connotations.
Cherish means looking out for the other person and for their best interests. Cherish means valuing them highly, putting them first in your thoughts, decisions, choices made, in your life or making them and their needs and happiness of prime importance. All those things speak to me more of what is needed in marriage than obedience. The dictionary puts it this way ‘cherish – to feel or show great tenderness or care for.’ Another is ‘To protect or tend lovingly.’ An alternative meaning is ‘to cling fondly to.’ All of those I could promise to do without any hesitation or reservations whatsoever. Obedience I couldn’t, necessarily.
‘Obey – to carry out the command’ of or ‘to do what one is told to do.’ For starters I could never imagine a situation where Mick would be commanding me and telling me what to do. If he did command me, he would probably have good reason to do so and I would probably obey. But I wouldn’t promise to do so. But generally, that’s not the way our relationship works and it never has. When we have a problem we will talk it over, we will pray about it and work through to a joint decision and solution.
What about you? Did you promise to love honor and obey? Why or why not? Or did you promise to love, honor and cherish?
Related blogs
Why I’m Happy to Submit to My Husband
Why I’m Happy to Submit to My Husband – Part 2
How to Keep Your Marriage on Track