What is your idea of showing love? Is it to do his laundry, or clean for him? Do you know how he shows his love for you? Learning how the both of you show your love language is the key to understanding your relationship, and can help tremendously during the rough times that all marriages go through.
Maybe your husband is one of those who don’t talk a lot, like mine. It used to drive me crazy that he didn’t volunteer information. I always felt that getting him involved in discussions was like pulling teeth, but then I learned to watch for his love language.
He didn’t discuss everything with me because he didn’t want to upset or worry me. I thought that this was really selfish of him until I realized that I tend to over react instead of really listen. That made a lot of sense, who wants to discuss important matters with someone prone to flying off the handle? It wasn’t that he didn’t love or trust me; it was that he wanted to spare me (and himself!) the grief of a tirade!
Other types of love languages include spending time together. Again, you may want to talk, but his version of spending time together just means being in the same room while he reads and you work on a craft. Think about this-sometimes it’s okay to just be together, without doing or saying anything. Often in the summer, my husband will work on the car in the driveway while I’m in the yard weeding. We may not be talking, but we’re spending time together in the same place, none the less.
This is not to say that talking isn’t the love language of a relationship, because it is. A special dinner out can not take the place of an important conversation, if one needs to be had. The language of love begins with noticing how your spouse relays the message that they need to talk or be reassured, and learning those subtle signals from your spouse is part of being married. ( I tend to sigh heavily, but I’m not very subtle…)
Let’s not forget touching! You may not be into public displays of affection, but he or she is. It’s give a little, take a little, and the key to both of you being comfortable with this is boundaries. Discuss, agree, and set some when it comes to physical contact. Also, he might be telling you that he’s there for you by a touch on the shoulder, rather than words, so if you can both clue into this, you’ll have come a long way.
The language of love is very personal between couples; what works for you and yours may be completely different from what you witnessed from your parents or your friends. If you both practice continuing to show that you care about each other, you can discover your own love language.