I hate that phrase. It’s such bunk. When you love someone, you have to say you are sorry. You have to be able to say it when you mean it. You have to be able to say it even when you do not know what you are apologizing for.
How often has someone said something that upset you and he or she didn’t mean to? Would it be better for them to apologize for hurting your feelings, even unintentionally? Or should they just not apologize because they didn’t intend harm to begin with?
When you love someone and they love you, it is easier for a misunderstanding to create conflict and emotional pain. For example, just this morning – my daughter started complaining about something in the car. I turned it around and pointed out that all she does is complain lately.
She started to cry and told me that I hurt her feelings. I told her I was sorry for hurting her feelings. But she was hurting mine every time she complained about all things she didn’t get or that didn’t happen. She never seemed to be happy about what I did do for her, only upset about what I did.
Her tears evaporated and she leaned forward in her booster seat and said, “Mommy, I’m sorry – I didn’t know that I was doing that.”
I told her I understood. She is still learning about people and relationships. It’s hard for her to think outside of herself when she is upset. Children are a microcosm for our own adult relationships. They feel things deeply and intensely. They do not always understand why they feel the way they do. They also lack the verbal skills to explain it.
I can tell her I’m sorry when I hurt her feelings. It’s true, I am sorry. I do not want to hurt her. I want to teach her. I want her to learn and to understand. I want her to experience compassion and gratitude. I want her to feel for others as she already does for herself. The last thing I want to do is hurt her.
When you love someone, it always means you should say you are sorry for slights real or imagined. Their feelings mean something to you and you don’t want to hurt them. Sorry is not the hardest word to say, but it seems to be the one we say the least.