As we’ve all heard, many people get married and think they’ll eventually change their spouse and make them what they wish they could be. Anyone with such notions in mind will undoubtedly be sorely disappointed. The fact is love toward your spouse needs to be unconditional. Whether they change or not shouldn’t come into the picture.
How do we go about loving someone whose habits or personalities sometimes clash with our own? First rule of thumb is acceptance. Accepting someone means loving them with the good and the bad. After all, we want to be accepted without someone trying to change us, right?
Secondly, it’s important to remember that they are who they are and even with their bad habits, they are still special. We need to focus on what makes them special, not on what annoys us.
Thirdly, try to communicate your desire to change things in yourself and get input from your spouse on things they wish you’d change. By willingly volunteering your desire to change, they will be more open to changing, too.
Another important part of the equation is setting the example. Just like volunteering to get input from your mate about things you can change, also setting an example around the house of how you wish things would be changed is good. Sometimes such habits motivate our partners to change.
It’s also good to reach compromises with your spouse in relation to how things are handled around the house. Asking politely and courteously for them to help you do something can make a difference. Demanding tones, a bad attitude, yelling and complaining will all be de-motivators. No one wants to be treated like a child and insulted or attacked verbally.
True and lasting change in a relationship can, and does, occur in an environment of love and acceptance.