Teens are…. well, teenagers. One minute they can be on top of the world, impressing you and making you proud. The next minute they are rebelling, and shaming themselves and even you. They mess up. Sometimes they mess up big. We have to remember however, that we all mess up, and they are just a reflection of us. As their parents, it is our job to get them through their issues without minimal long-term damage.
In dealing the dirtier, grittier, messier parts of raising teens, we have to remember to not take their mis-steps personal. When we internalize their mistakes, it makes us stand-offish, and we can withhold love from them. That is the opposite of what we need to do. When out teens mess up, we need to go against everything we are feeling and love them through the problems.
Let a teen think for a minute that if they make a mistake that you will stop loving them, and they will stop trying. If they feel like being treasured is a losing battle, then they will reject you completely to prevent themselves from being hurt.
As parents, we have to ask ourselves in times of challenges, “do I love my child?” If so, then we must love them enough to put aside our own personal hurt and pain about their situation and face them in their unlovable place.
Does this mean you should let your teenager who is making bad decisions walk all over you. Absolutely not! If your teen breaks rules and makes bad decisions, they need to feel the cold, hard repercussions of their actions. It is OK to issue punishments. It is OK to show disappointment. It is not smart to alienate any longer than the few hours it should take you to get past the shock of the situation.
At the end of the day, when the issue is digested, and when the crying and questioning has stopped, you still need to sit down and hold your child (because teens are still children) and let them know that it will all be OK.
~If you liked this you should also read my other posts at the home blog, the homeschooling blog, the parents blog, and the frugal blog. You can read my recent posts here.
Don’t Stop Hugging Your Teenagers
Do Our Teens Have it Too Easy?