A few months ago I took a class on the sociology of the family. Our first assignment was to write about our expectations in a spouse. I remembered making a list as a teenager. My future husband was going to be perfect, I just knew it! Prince Charming was going to come sweep me off of my feet, we were going to ride off into the sunset, and live happily ever after. Sound familiar? Of course, things didn’t turn out quite so nicely. My ex is no Prince Charming, and happily ever after never really happened. So when I started thinking about what to write in this paper I really had to sit down and ponder what I wanted this time around. What things are most important to me in my future spouse? What did I learn from my first marriage that will make the next one better?
Now that I have a son the pressure is so much higher to choose the right one. There are certain things on my list that just aren’t negotiable. I’ve learned not to settle just because I am lonely. Some things are just too important to compromise on. I learned the hard way from my first marriage that you can’t let people walk all over you. You have to stand up for yourself and your needs. If the things on your list aren’t being met, then move on. It would be better to stay single than to end up in the same situation again. It would be devastating for you and your children.
Keep in mind that your expectations need to be realistic. Nobody is perfect and chances of them meeting every little thing on your list are slim. You have to find the things that are most important to you and stick to them. The rest are things you learn to make compromises on. He may leave the toilet seat up, or watch his sports a little more than you’d like. You may take an hour to get ready, or stress about the little things. But in the end you learn that those things aren’t such a big deal. Just focus on the important things, the others will fall into place. Who knows you may even learn to love them!