Making assumptions about what your spouse believes or thinks about things can spell trouble. I read a story recently sent us by a friend about a situation in Papua New Guinea.
The men and women were split into two separate groups. Each group was asked what they considered to be the three most important issues to support children at school. Then each group was asked what they thought the other group would say.
The men said ‘double classrooms, libraries and teacher houses.’ When asked what the women would say, they assumed the women would say exactly the same as what they had decided. They were in for a shock. They assumed and they were wrong.
The women identified ‘running water, separate sanitation blocks and security,’ as the major concerns. When asked what they thought the men would say the women replied, ‘double classrooms, libraries and teacher houses.’
While we might smile and conclude that the women got it right and obviously knew their men better than the men knew the women, the thing is we should never assume we know what our spouse is thinking or believes is important. Even those like Mick and I who have been married a long time, can find that though we might mostly be right about what the other is thinking there are times when he still manages to surprise me and vice versa.
Sometimes we can look at a situation or a problem and end up with a cockeyed version of the truth because we assume we know what our spouse thinks or believes when quite the opposite might be true. Or they are not even thinking about that at all but something entirely different.
Obviously the way to counteract this is by communication. Talking things through is one of the great blessings and benefits of marriage. Instead of making assumptions about what the other is thinking or feeling, Mick and I talk things over and bounce ideas off each other.
Sometimes what he comes up with can be quite different to what I’m thinking but so often it can be helpful. Make time each day to talk with your marriage partner about the big and the little issues of life, rather than just assuming you know what they think.
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