One of my fears in preparing to meet my either of my sons’ siblings or adoptive families was what if they’re hopes for the degree of contact differs greatly from ours? I thought quite a bit about this and played out different scenarios in my mind.
Part of me worried the families would rather not have any contact. When we first became a family, we had the constant reminder of adoption. We wanted to move on with life and feel normal. For this reason, I certainly would have understood my childrens’ birth siblings’ family wanting to move forward or have internet updates only. I’d really hoped the other families would find value in contact at least for medical purposes.
Another part of me worried the families might want to be an active part of our lives; expecting get-togethers on holidays and frequent visits. I worried they’d want to see the children grow up as actual siblings who just happen to live apart.
My heart was to have contact with them; occasional visits, lots of internet or phone discussions. My hope was that my boys’ birth siblings would be more like cousins or extended family. I wanted to make it clear that our family came first and my boys’ relationship as brothers superseded that of genetic brotherhood.
Unlike dealing with birth family, adoptive families I’ve come across seem to understand another family’s need for unity and space or respectful degrees of openness. I think too, unless you are open to sharing your hope for the ongoing contact, the other adoptive family may be left to assumptions. They might convey those assumptions with the hope of appeasing you by showing more interest in openness than you actually want, or they may be less responsive not wanting you to think they’re being pushy.
We are so thankful to have found the family we have. Out of the foster moms and the several adoptive parents, not one of them has had a problem with opennes. Everyone seems comfortable with each other’s limits and desire for contact.
Please check out my related blog:
Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog