A few weeks back I caught part of an interview with Joel Osteen on CBS’s Early Show. He was promoting his newest book, Become a Better You.
The part I tuned in during was when he was talking about making deposits instead of withdrawals. How we can’t just expect to take all the time; we have to spend time giving also. He compared relationships to bank accounts: you can’t get anything out of them if you don’t put anything in.
It was a similar concept to something another favorite of mine, Dr. Wayne Dyer, advocates: “You can’t give away what you don’t have.”
Both men were referring to life overall and relationships in general, but I’ve been thinking on this for the past couple of weeks now. Mainly because those closest to me know how stressful the past few months have been. (The being separated from Wayne because we thought we were moving, then recently having those plans change when Wayne decided to get his old job back.)
Lots of people have expressed similar sentiments: “I don’t know how you’re not going crazy. If my husband put me through all that, I’d be so upset.”
Trust me, I’ve had a couple of breakdowns during all this. But I’ll let you in on a secret, one I wouldn’t have been able to relate until I heard Joel Osteen and Wayne Dyer conceptualize it.
I survived by drawing on my reserves.
All the deposits I’ve put in during our marriage, all the times I’ve done stuff for Wayne, had been saved up as rescue and reward credits. I cashed them in when I was in need.
Sometimes that meant cashing in just-listen-while-I-vent credits. Sometimes it meant asking for a back rub. Other times it was having him walk Murph and letting me sleep in on weekends he was home.
Today he called and told me about a big payoff he’d be bringing me this weekend: my favorite chocolates from 3 Sisters Chocolate Company in Jacksonville. I used to stop in there and get us treats from time to time when we lived there and I’ve missed them since we left.
He had to drive out of his way to the other side of town to pick them up for me. He told me he bought $20 worth of my absolute favorites: haystacks and mint chocolate cubes. (Which is a lot. I used to spend only $10-$12 for goodies so I know he bought me a bunch of chocolate!)
He just made a huge deposit in his account with me while rewarding me at the same time for standing by him through all this.
And ultimately, it’s these sorts of gestures, sacrifices, and concessions that we make for one another that’s the reason we’ve lasted from high school, through college, and into the present. If I’m not mistaken, as long as we keep making deposits instead of only withdrawals, we should fulfill our vows of ‘til death do us part no problem.
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