This can be a fun topic, but it can also be one that deeply troubles a marriage. When the sex drive is depressed in the husband, the wife or both, it’s difficult to discover what makes one or the other feel sexy or desirable. The inherent fear and danger we feel when we don’t feel sexy is that our partner’s may go elsewhere or perhaps we should.
If our partner doesn’t find us sexy or attractive and doesn’t meet our needs, should we have the affair? Should they? Will we? Will they? These types of questions are troubling on a lot of levels, not the least of which is the inherent danger to the marriage.
The lack of expectation, the unknown – these are the elements that make affairs attractive. So make your marriage sexier by adding these elements into the mix between you and your spouse. Skip intercourse for a while and let your fingers do all the walking and talking.
Some people may find the following advice a bit uncomfortable, but abandoning intercourse is not just about sexual satisfaction but heightening intimacy. You can talk, guide and teach each other about things that please you. Amazingly enough, a lot of couples do not talk about what they enjoy and just assume, their level of satisfaction with their sex life may stem from their partner simply not knowing the types of things that may please them.
There’s a thrill to be discovered in necking, making out and learning new secrets about each other can heighten personal pleasure. Experiments and practice can relieve both husband and wife from the pressure of trying to read their partner’s mind. It’s important to recognize that your partner may worry as much about pleasing you as you do them. You may be worried about the finances and he may be worried about work. The problem is – too many worries come into the bedroom with you and you need to shed them.
Talking openly about different ideas on pleasure – whether it’s finding handholding stimulating or a certain spot behind an ear – can make a big difference. It’s a thrill. It’s a different type of communication. It’s a different level of intimacy. Comfort levels for each party may be different, so start slowly and take the time to learn. It can be an enormous turn-on to take the pressure of intercourse off both parties for a while and sometimes – when an item is off the table it becomes even more attractive.
Make real intimacy the focus of a sexier marriage. Learn about each other by slowing down the process. Learn what is tingly, tickly or just plain pleasurable. Bring back the days of the honeymoon, the first day, the first base and remember that making marriage sexier isn’t just about sex – it’s about the honest connection between you and your spouse.
Take time to heighten the tension and the anticipation through love letter emails and notes about what you’d enjoy and asking what they’d like. Plan evenings for just the two of you where this is what you do and consider that in your hustle and bustle life – those nights are your forbidden moments. Take complete advantage of it and discover the sexier side of you, your partner and your marriage.