Anytime I chat with other single parents, one of the subjects that comes up is how to get “control” of our lives. More than others, it seems, we single parents appear to wrestle with trying to get control of uncontrollable situations and sort out making the life we want happen and also accepting and coping with the things that we cannot control. I am not sure if it is because we have many of us already been through some trying times–a separation, divorce, death, or other unexpected reality–but we single parents are often trying to build lives and rise from the “ashes” of trying times.
I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten myself all organized and inspired to “make things happen” only to be derailed by the reality of what actually DOES happen. Surely this is not the private domain of single parents, but we are often in the situation of being solely responsible for making things happen and come together not only for ourselves, but for our families as well. I have learned that often, instead of giving up on my plans or thinking that I cannot “make things happen” the way I want them to–I just need to have more patience and give things more time. I need to accept that there will most definitely be those things that happen that I cannot control and that if I have patience and trust in the process, I can often incorporate the unexpected into my overall plan. It just may take more time and creativity to get where I want to go.
We cannot follow anyone else’s path–trying to make our single parent family lives look like someone else’s is not the answer–nor is trying to carve out or invent a life from scratch. Instead we somehow need to make sense and incorporate our own plans and determination, with the unexpected and uncontrollable “surprises” that come our way.
Also: What does it Take to Change Your Mind?
Patience and Empathy go Hand-in-Hand