This past weekend, my older teenage daughters and I were sitting and chatting, eating cheese crackers and catching up. I have been delighted to find that when they pass the rockiest of the adolescent years (I surely hope), they do want to hang out occasionally with mom again and my daughters actually ASK me to spend time with them. Okay, that’s the good part. The not-so-great part is that now that they are older, they provide some comment and reflection on how I’ve gone about the business of parenting. This past weekend, the conversation came around to “mom’s cooling down periods.”
One of my daughters did a fine impression of me counting backward from 20 or 10 and announcing that I needed to give myself a timeout in order to gain perspective. I laughed as heartily as anyone at her very accurate portrayal. But then, the other daughter noted that she “always knew mom meant it and there would be resolution” when I came out of my room (or the laundry room or garden) after having a cool down period.
I am an absolute advocate of parents taking a moment to gain composure, cool down, and get their perspective back before making hasty or disciplinary decisions. We cannot always remain cool, calm and collected and when we think we are going to lose it—taking the time out to cool off and breathe can be the very best thing we do for our kids and ourselves.
If you do utilize the “cool down”—don’t use the time to stew and convince yourself of all the reasons you are angry. You’ll come out just as edgy and distressed as you were when you gave yourself the time-out. Breathe, count backward, do some stretching, read a magazine article, organize a drawer—anything to help you get back into yourself and release the emotional part of what is going on for you. You may be surprised at how clear-headed you can get in just fifteen minutes of doing something else.
Also: I’d Like a Situation Room Too
Can You Stay Calm and Neutral During Discipline?