We talk about all facets of dating and single parenting here in the Single Parents blog. Just earlier today, I wrote about how it can pay off to have a “strategy” to your dating efforts so that you will meet the sort of people you are looking for. One of the topics that has come up a few times in my own dating experiences is the role of “manners”—after all, times and expectations change and people can get etiquette confused with manners and not know what is expected of them or what is considered basic, good, dating manners.
More often than not, I find that manner issues and dating fall into two categories. One is that we single parents are often very busy and distracted and may simply overlook basic manners like being on time, making reasonable plans, avoiding assumptions, etc. The other is a difference in cultural expectations. It seldom dawn on us to talk over our feelings and expectations about basic manners when we are in the early, get-to-know-you stages of a relationship and I think that having that conversation might stave off some big misunderstandings.
What do you consider good manners? If you are someone who routinely brings a host or hostess gifts, send “thank you” notes, always says ‘excuse me’ when you sneeze or cough and habitually thank a waiter or waitress for filling up your water glass, you may have a very developed sense of manners. Dating someone who does not even think to call when he or she is late or who belches on purpose without excusing him or herself might be a recipe for disaster.
Consider identifying where you stand on manners and what matters to you before you start dating and consider having a conversation and sharing those values with your potential dates. It could be extremely helpful to get things out on the table and identify the major differences so that you can make an educated decision and choice about who to date.