All couples argue. This is just a part of life, but there are some rules to follow to make your fighting “fair” and limit the amount of damage that arguing can do. There are few things more hurtful to a relationship than having to “take back” something that was said in the heat of the argument. You can never truly take back hurtful words, and if you meant it at the time, even worse, because you really believe what you said, and it can mean that you never told your spouse something that should’ve been discussed a long time ago. It never was, and so when it is brought up in the middle of an argument that can be the last straw-and you didn’t mean for it to be.
Not sure what the fair fighting rules are? Allow me:
Talk about things as they happen. Holding it in and allowing small differences of opinion build up over time is just asking for a blow up that both of you will regret. Mamas always said don’t go to bed angry, and this is for a very good reason, it causes sleep disturbance and fuels the fire for a wicked morning.
An average amount of time between having something happen and discussing it with your spouse should be no more than two days. Sooner than this is fine if you can do it without yelling, and more means you have built up resentment.
You get to stick to the subject. One argument per subject is the best way to fight fair. If you need to discuss several things, go into the discussion letting them know that there is more than one issue to talk about.
Whatever you do, do not discuss your arguments with your best friend (unless you are getting to the point where you are thinking of leaving, but the arguments should never get to this degree if you are fighting using the rules in the first place) co workers or your mother in law(s).
You don’t get to say things that you know will hurt them simply for the sake of having your way or making them feel bad about themselves, and you don’t get to bring up past fights or transgressions. You mustn’t call each other names, either nasty ones or pet names with sarcasm. When the discussion is over, it’s over. You need to practice acceptance, forgiveness, and letting go once an argument is over.
If you can work some humor into the discussion to diffuse the situation, that’s great, but nasty humor and teasing is not allowed. You get to let each other finish speaking-no interrupting-and you get to look each other in the eye while the other person is talking. You’ll need to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. (” I feel really helpless when you say that” as opposed to “you make me feel like #$%^ when you act like that.”
Remember that you will argue, and some of them will be doozies. But also remember why you got married in the first place, and keep love in the front of your arguments like armor.