Having a child with a disability can be hard on a marriage. You both must be stronger than you thought you could possibly be, and the stages of acceptance for the disability often look like the stages of grief and loss, and they are, because you must come to terms with the limitations that your child will have, which means that most of your hopes you had for them while you were pregnant are now gone.
Sometimes a child is born with a disability, but sometimes they become disabled through an accident or by contracting a disease. Both are terrible, tragic shocks for the parents. The financial, emotional, and physical burdens are often more than a couple can bear. Often one parent leaves the relationship, in fact; unfortunately this happens more often than not.
The reason is that parents who have a disabled child often make the mistake of not accepting help. They are depressed, disillusioned, and think they have to (or deserve to) take care of the child by themselves.
This is the most important part of accepting the disability and ensuring that the quality of the life of the family and child continues. You must be open to accepting help. There are hundreds of ways to accept help, many communities have programs and respite care services, and it is okay to take advantage of the services they have to offer, many for free.
You need to take some time for your selves as a couple. Respite care provides excellent caregivers who will come to your home while you spend the evening at the movies or out to dinner. Please do not feel guilty for doing this, you are good parents who deserve to keep your relationship strong.
Your faith can help you through this as well. Continue to be active in your church and have friends over often. Isolation is another area that couples with a child who has a disability often experience, either because they have guilt around the disability-unfounded, but we have it anyway-or don’t want to make others feel uncomfortable.
Your child is very special and deserves to have a high quality of life. Get them enrolled in any programs that the doctors or community resource centers can recommend. If you need specialized transportation, there are resources for that as well. Ask questions, ask for referrals, and accept the help that your family, friends, and community are there to give.
One last thought; your friends want to help. It is good for them and it makes them feels as though they are a part of your support network when you ask for help. Your true friends are there for you when you need them, and are honored to help if you just ask. Community resource centers are often supported by grants. If they don’t use all of the money allotted for their services in a fiscal year, they run the risk of losing next years grant, or have it cut in half. They want to help, so sign up and allow them to do that.