Lately you’ve found yourself thinking about him a little too often. He could be a guy from the office or a social club. He could be another parent on the soccer field, but usually you’ve spent some time with him away from your families. This is the difference between a crush and an emotional affair. A crush is seeing the same person and fantasizing about them-you may have never even met.
An emotional affair is not a physical affair, but it could lead to one. An emotional affair is when you get the emotional support and friendship from another person that you do not get from your spouse; it is not simply just being friends with someone of the opposite sex. Everyone has a right to have friends of any sex they like, this is different.
You look forward to seeing each other as if the two of you were dating. You save each other chairs, and maybe he gives you a ride home. You talk to each other on the phone sometimes, but not usually. You never discuss sex or physical attraction; you never make any inappropriate comments about how you are feeling. The affair is almost a secret even from you and him.
In the meantime, you are not discussing your thoughts and feelings about everyday subjects with your spouse like you used to. You are not going out to lunch with your co workers, preferring to eat with him in the cafeteria, or better yet, alone somewhere in the park. You are beginning to think of each other as ”best friends” and that, my friend, is a dangerous place.
An emotional affair will take a toll on your marriage just as if you were having a physical one. If you get the feeling you are cheating on your spouse with this person, in a way you are. You are not giving your spouse your emotional attention, and you are in effect, lying to them about your feelings.
So the first thing you need to do is back up and rethink what your priorities are, which should be your spouse, whom you have made a promise to. They might not even be doing anything wrong and certainly do not know about your “best friend” because you’ve never had them over to the house like you would your other friends ( This is yet another sign that you are having an emotional affair.)
The next thing you need to do is stop spending an unusual amount of time with them. An emotional affair is the first step toward a physical one, but it’s also the point where it’s the easiest to break off, as no one’s been hurt yet. While it’s fine to have a friend of the opposite sex, you should reserve your best friend of the opposite sex for your spouse. Out of sight is out of mind in this case, and by separating your self from this person physically, it will be much easier to separate emotionally.