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Marriage and the Illness of a Spouse

In sickness and in health. You said the words, and you meant them. You have no qualms about keeping your vows, but you are distraught upon learning that your beloved husband or wife is seriously ill. You cannot fathom the possibility of losing your soul mate, your friend and lover, the person you planned to spend your golden years with.

Stop and take a deep breath. While our own mortality and that of our loved ones can be a chilling issue to contemplate, and is something we all give thought when we learn of disease of illness, the condition may not be as devastating as you imagine. Many diseases are common, or found in the early stages are treatable, and your loved one may be able to live a very normal and fulfilling life with proper treatment and care.

Learn as much as you can about the disease or disorder and the effectiveness of popular treatments. Try not to overwhelm your spouse with information, or make the illness the absolute focus of daily life, or treat your mate like an invalid. Try to continue as normally as possible while gently caring your spouse.

Encourage your loved one to take the medication as prescribed, change eating or exercise habits, or do what is necessary to become healthier. If making some lifestyle changes of your own will help, volunteer to make those changes along with him or her.

If the illness is life threatening or terminal, make your spouse as happy and comfortable as possible. Find ways to make the time you have left together the best it can be. Reassure and comfort your spouse and consider counseling for him or her, and possibly for yourself.

Spirituality and prayer can also provide comfort. I am a firm believer that miracles do happen. Also, encourage your spouse to seek religious counsel about the afterlife. It may help alleviate fear and if a miracle is not forthcoming, knowing that your spouse truly is in a better place will provide a measure of comfort.

Most of all make sure your spouse knows how much he or she means to you every day. This applies even when your husband or wife is not ill. Life goes by quickly and no one is guaranteed tomorrow. Live your life and treat your marriage as if every day is your last day together, and you won’t have any regrets.