Marriage and the Internet

There are wonderful, positive aspects to the internet. Information is literally at our fingertips as well as games, instant messaging and email. It’s easy to get caught up in it, and sometimes we are amazed at how much time has gone by since we logged on.
Yes, how much time has gone by, recent polls show that in homes where the
computer is not used for business purposes, family members log on for a couple hours each night, give or take. In homes where the computer is used as part of or all business, we are on about six hours a day.
And then there are the game players. Online games such as Everquest are run continuously and players can interface with other players all over the world. It sounds great and doesn’t cost too much-monetarily speaking, anyway.
These online games are so addictive that there are cases of people coming home from work and logging on only to stop hours later in order to catch just enough sleep to get up for work the next day. I do mean hours, like seven or eight-or more. These online games are second in time stolen from the family only to pornographic sites, the number one recreational time consumer for the internet.
If you are beginning to fight with your spouse because they are taking away quality time from the family due to being online, then you are not alone. What to do?
The responsibility lies with the user. You have probably already brought it to their attention. It’s a hard habit to break and has been likened to any other addiction-the remedy in some homes is to remove the computer. Such was the case with a couple I know. The husband worked with computers, and typically brought his work home with him, in a manner of speaking. His wife often left him alone for hours in the study because she thought he was working. She found out that he had been finishing up small tasks and then playing games or just surfing long into the night. Long story short, he eventually made the (drastic?) decision to get rid of the home computer. It had come down to his marriage or the PC.
Internet addicts will use the same excuses that many other addicts use, they will deny the amount of time and energy spent on the computer, they will tell you that you are overreacting- even that they can quit anytime they want! (when you ask them to prove it, don’t they invariably say ”In a minute” or “I have to get to a place where I can save this?”) Denial, minimizing, etc. all are the same addictive behaviors found in gamblers, alcoholics, and other twelve step program participants. The first step is admitting you are powerless.
The above is more typical than you might think, but often the problem can be alleviated by the user who is willing to compromise. Set aside a specific day and time for each member to be on the computer, and shut it down in between. (Be realistic-if the lids have homework every night, let them do it, and then maybe a couple of hours over the weekend) Do not leave it on with a screensaver-it’s like it’s calling to you.
Technology is supposed to enhance our lives, don’t let it control yours.