When you get married you sometimes feel as though you’re going to be giving up your single friends. The weekends you once spent in their company will give way to spending every weekend with your spouse, and although this tends to be the norm in the early years of the marriage, it can sometimes cause resentments. You or your spouse feel left out of your friends activities and the result can be arguments for which there doesn’t appear to be a solution.
You feel as though you have to make a choice, and your spouse should be the obvious one. But like everything else in the marriage, the solution is ultimately a balance, so here are a few pointers in order to achieve that.
The number one reason that this is a problem is that someone feels left out. If you and your spouse had mutual friends before you got married, there is no reason why the two of you can’t continue to see them after you are married. If you spent a lot of time with your co workers before you got engaged, you can continue to do so. Introduce your new spouse to the group and invite them to go out with the group-once or twice a week.
If you want to spend one or two nights alone with your other friends, make an agreement with your spouse and stick to it. Calling after being gone several hours is not a good start. Create a balance before there is a problem and there won’t be one.
And if your are the spouse who is being left home alone, tell your mate how you are feeling but also realize that when they married you they didn’t promise to spend every extra minute with you. Again, a balance is necessary for both of you. You need to allow them time with their friends, just as they need to allow you time with yours.
Another problem is jealousy when the single friends are of the opposite sex. If you or your spouse is jealous because you are spending time with a friend who happens to be the opposite sex, then there are some trust issues in your marriage. The other side of that is that you probably shouldn’t be behaving in a way that allows for jealousy. You both need to examine your motives.
Even if you think your spouse is being unrealistic or too sensitive, remember that what ever they are, their feelings are valid. Continued communication and the sensitivity to not want your loved one to feel left out or hurt can alleviate this problem before it even begins. But if you come to an agreement, stick to it. Going back on your word to only spend a certain amount of time with your friends won’t count for much if you keep changing the rules. Making sure that the two of you spend enough quality time alone can help tremendously in this matter, so continue to talk and discuss your feelings.