Friday we talked about marriage breakers, things you need to talk to your potential spouse about before you say yes or before you ask the question. We covered areas like kids, finances and housework. Today we’re going to look at a few more items that can make or break a marriage.
The In-Laws
I am very fortunate in that I like my in-laws, all of them. My mother-in-law is not a monster-in-law and we’re actually really good friends. My sister-in-law is more like a sister than anything else and we’ve had our ups and downs, but it’s never been a power struggle over relationships with my husband.
That being said, it’s always good to be clear from the get go on expectations where the in-laws are concerned. You don’t want them living with you. Marriage can be tough enough without having the pressure of the in-laws in the beginning of a marriage. Courtney’s mom is living with her now and her husband is very supportive and circumstances such as those – it’s important to take care of family. The same is true for any tough life situations.
My mother-in-law stayed with us when I was really sick and my daughter was very young. We would look after her in a heartbeat if necessary and the same for my mother. But in-laws should not dictate your marriage and you shouldn’t allow them to dictate to you or your spouse.
Quality Time
Time together is important and in the early days of marriage, you probably can’t imagine a time when you won’t have time for your spouse. My husband is my best friend and I want to share all the ups and the downs with him. He’s my first phone call. He’s the first person I want to see in the morning and the last person I want to see at night. But life has a way of wearing you down, whether it’s children, finances, family commitments, careers and more. Understand what quality time is and what it means to both of you and if that means one or the other of you forgoes a night out with friends or a favored television program to spend time together, and then do it.
Interests
You have to have common interests or you wouldn’t be together, right? Interests, like anything else, evolve over time. Keep your finger on what interests both of you and what your potential spouse is interested in that you may not be. In the early days of our relationship, I loved dancing, I still do. My husband was never interested in it. Yet, just a couple of years ago, he wanted to take a dance class with me so he could learn to dance. He’d never danced before and that’s why he’d always resisted going dancing with me.
Talk about your interests and why you do or don’t want to do things.
Definition of Marriage
Finally, the last one here is a big one and it’s important that you both understand how the other one feels about marriage. Marriage is a commitment and for some of us who grew up in home where either our mothers weren’t married or married several times, it can be hard to define what marriage means to you. But if you have expectations of what marriage means to you, then you need to talk about it so that both of you understand what it means when you say “I do” to each other.
What does marriage mean to you?