While there are many positive things we can do to improve our marriages, there are also some things we must avoid in order to build and maintain close relationships with our spouses:
Keeping Secrets
This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t have any private thoughts, but it does mean that you should not keep important things from your spouse. Know that he or she will probably find out eventually anyway, and it’s best if your mate hears about issues from you. Anyone who ever watched a soap opera or other type of drama series knows that keeping secrets is what always gets the star in trouble! It’s also true in the real world. Keeping secrets damages the trust between you and your spouse.
Holding Grudges
Even if you pretend everything is fine and you agree to make up, those feelings of resentment will fester. They will begin to come out in other areas, and you may find yourself picking fights over trivial issues. Be honest with your husband or wife, and if you cannot find a compromise, agree to disagree. Realize that the two of you will not always agree, and that it’s okay as long as your feelings on the matter are clearly addressed.
Undermining Each Other
Whether this occurs with the children, or with extended family members, pets, or in any other situation, it will create feelings of resentment. If a man agrees to his mother’s wishes and disregard’s his wife’s (or vice versa), it can create big problems. If one parent allows children to get away with something the other feels strongly about, this too will cause a rift in the relationship. Making large purchases without consulting your spouse can also be bad for your marriage. It’s about showing respect for each other’s feelings and making decisions together as partners instead of deciding things unilaterally.