Despite the fact that we learn to speak as toddlers and we learn more complex forms of language as children, learning to communicate is often confused with learning to talk and the truth is – while they are related – talking is merely a form of communication and it’s definitely not the whole shebang.
Interestingly enough, communication actually gets harder when emotions are involved than when they aren’t. Imagine if you will, your communications with co-workers, instructors and other business related interactions. Your ability to clearly state and communicate your needs, desires and requirements is likely familiar, if not very comfortable.
Those same interactions with friends, loved ones and especially spouses can be a great deal more trying because now your emotions are tied up in your perceptions and those perceptions will affect your communication.
Oy, What a Headache
Yes, communication can be a real headache especially when you break it down into the various components and start looking at the individual pieces a little more closely. And it can get tiresome to realize that just about anything can affect your perceptions and interfere with your ability to communicate effectively.
The following tips are designed to help you communicate more effectively when you are talking to each other:
- Competition should have no place in how you talk or communicate with each other – in other words – arguments do not have winners or losers unless you fail to communicate at all in which case – you’re both losers
- Open and close discussions on positive notes – this is true in any form of communication you have – few people enjoy the negative approach and may actually feel like they are being attacked and there’s nothing like a negative opening gambit to put a couple on uneven footing with each other
- Do more than just listen with your ears, listen with your eyes, your nose and your hands – be open to the body language as well as the intonations, the actions and the words – nothing compels your spouse to be more open with you than when they believe they have your full attention
- Pay attention to the verbal and non-verbal signals you are sending, if you are angry – don’t say you’re not. Express that you are upset and that you are having difficulty and ask for their patience with you so that you can get the message across
- Don’t just go into a disagreement or discussion with accusations. If there are issues at hand that need to be resolved, plan ahead with some ideas that can help you resolve them – there’s nothing like entering a disagreement with a resolution to propose – you are more likely to reach compromise between the two of you
- Rude is always wrong – period. Your spouse deserves respect – even when you’re furious. If you can’t sit down and talk without being rude – either verbally or non-verbally (rolling eyes, etc) then it’s important that the two of you adjourn the discussion and take a break from it in order to revisit a little later when you are both in a more reasonable frame of mind
Have you ever found it easier to express yourself to a stranger than to someone you love?
Related Articles:
Marriage Communication: Nagging Doesn’t Work
New Parent Strategies:Weathering Life After Baby