Who’s the spender and who’s the saver in your marriage? Maybe you’re both spenders or both savers. However, when a marriage is made up of one of each, this arrangement can create problems.
One wife I know goes around turning off lights that aren’t being used, adjusting the air conditioning, and sometimes doing without things to make up for expenses when her husband is not at home.
He comes up, cranks the air conditioning, buys expensive items or goes out to eat, and spends money like they have bucketfuls buried in the back yard or something. His wife doesn’t know what to do, because they already have financial problems, but she can’t seem to get through to him.
She is also beginning to feel resentful, because she can’t buy things for herself and especially feels like she can’t dare splurge even on a small item, because she is constantly making up for his spending.
Sometimes, she feels like he doesn’t care about her because he doesn’t change his spending patterns to make her feel more included. The truth is her husband is not a selfish man, and often tells her, “You should buy something for yourself once in a while.” She says that she believes he means it, but she can’t justify spending any money, because he spends recklessly.
This is a problem that will have to be resolved if this couple wants to protect their marriage. One spouse cannot consistently feel left out and resentful without the situation eventually coming to a head. It could lead to an ugly fight, or much worse. Couples have separated and even divorced over less.
If you and your spouse have money problems and one of you is a spender and the other is a saver, now is the time to work toward finding a good balance. Don’t let the situation go on unchecked. Try to sit down and talk about this issue in a calm way, without accusing, and try to work toward a fair compromise.
*See – Marriage: Solving Problems Together, for further discussion.