This is the third in our series of marriage exercises for today, the day we turn the clocks back an hour. We talked about Couple Toons earlier and Let’s Play a Game. We talked about improving our communication and understanding of each other’s viewpoints. Now I want to talk about humor and the gift that humor gives us.
In study after study, humor is proved to be one of the most effective methods of coping that is available to us. We refer to humor in a variety of ways whether we are talking about comedians on the stage or sitcoms on television. Why else would Friends, the tale of six very dysfunctional friends be so appealing? Because even in the worst of circumstances, they made us laugh. They survived affairs, disagreements, miscommunications and even falling in love with each other – because laughter brought them together and drew us to them.
Humor doesn’t refer to the dark, sarcastic remarks that punch at the other person only to be dismissed with a “just kidding” or shrug off of “just joking”. After all, mean humor isn’t humor – it’s just a disguised jab or insult. You can’t dismiss anger even when it’s couched in humor. The healing power of humor cannot be felt when the insult or injury is delivered, but when we talk about humor healing, we’re talking about a bellyful of laughter that actually brings tears to the eyes.
Sigmund Freud called wit a sudden illumination of the truth. We look at each other and there’s a great deal to laugh about and to find humor in. Whether we’re teasing each other or remarking on the disparity of language that some people For example, a few years ago while watching a show, I exclaimed – rather profoundly: “Wow, they’re burying him in Arlington National Cemetery.” When my husband and his brother looked at me curiously, I spread my hands and said: That cemetery is for people who die and I stopped. They waited – a full twenty seconds before falling over laughing.
It wasn’t that I was just going to stop there, but I was actually trying to remember the exact qualities that were required. Still, to this day – all we have to say is “Cemeteries are for people who died” and all three of us crack up. As partners, parents, and friends, married couples can find one of the best solutions to hard times in good humor. We can use it regulate our emotions and to give us needed release from tension and anger and to even let go of our bad feelings.
And for no other reason – laughter feels good and laughter draws us back together. So don’t dismiss humor and the next time you and your spouse are laughing, recognize that laughter is an embrace that you can take with you – even when the two of you are apart.
So you and your spouse laugh together?
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