I have often said that writing is like any other exercise you perform, with practice and repetition, you can improve your skills, endurance and hone your talents. Marriage is a similar task and needs similar exercises in order to keep it fit, trim and enduring. Marriage exercises shouldn’t be as tough as doing weight lifting, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be times when you really need to pump some iron to get to where you want to be.
So today’s marriage fitness exercise is about communicating. We’ve talked about using ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’ statements. Today’s exercise will focus you on positive commentary. First, the ground rules because we all need ground rules.
You and your spouse are allowed to complain. You both need to blow off steam and vent about what went wrong in your day. This time, however, after you vent about the negative parts of your day – come up with three positives.
For example, your car may have had issues that required stopping it in for service and that took up two hours of the day that you needed to spend on other things. But while you were there, you met this really nice person and had a great chat. Or perhaps you got to watch a television program in the waiting room that you may not have seen before. Or perhaps there were some beautiful flowers planted along the edging and it gave you some good ideas.
Sharing positive occurrences, small or large, can help you both connect with smiles and laughter. Jokes and funny things that happen are good too. Recently, I was going to meet my mother across town. I had a limited amount of time to get there and my daughter’s school called. She was acting up in class and they needed me to come in and see her.
My husband didn’t have access to a car, so it was up to me. I called my mother to let her know I would be late and I drove to the school. When I got there, my daughter thought the entire situation was pretty funny. It was frustrating, but rather than get mad at her, I sat down in a chair that was far too small and spent fifteen minutes having a conversation with her. At the end of it, she went back to class and I got back on the road.
My mother and I were late, but we got stuff taken care of. By the time I got home and picked my daughter up from school, my workday was pretty shot. My husband expected me to be really frustrated and he even offered to let me vent. I surprised him when I told him I wasn’t upset. In fact, I enjoyed the fifteen-minute conversation I had with my daughter.
It was also great to talk to my mother about what happened afterwards. She shared some really hilarious stories about my youth and similar incidences. I told him some of the stories and he laughed with me. While the day wasn’t the best, I would never have heard those stories from my mother and I wouldn’t have the insight I have no.
So – here’s your fitness exercise. Find some positive aspects to your day, even the parts that frustrate you. Share those positives with your spouse and let them laugh alongside you. With just a little bit of practice, you can find a lot of positive nuances to share and wouldn’t that be a lot more fun for both of you than just griping?