Heather’s post – “The Marriage Guide Book: What Every Husband Should Know” –
made me do some serious – okay, humorous – thinking. Rather than leave a comment, I decided to write a reply to it. I hope it is received in the spirit it was intended. Here’s the advice, straight from husbands, about “what you need to know when you get married..” The original post’s words are in quotes. Mine follow.
“Your wife is your partner. You have to treat her as such. You may want to protect her, but you should never take her choices away” – at least not until the fifth credit card is maxed out.
“Lying is never a good thing. Even little lies can come back to haunt you.” – as long as she doesn’t ask “honey, do I look fat?” or , “do you think Tabby Supermodel is sexy?” then I think we’re okay.
“Be honest about how you are feeling – your wife will appreciate that.” – unless of course, she says, “how can you SAY such a thing,” in which case, you’ve screwed up again!
“You may not be used to checking in with someone about your whereabouts…” – what, you’ve never heard of Mother?
“Financial control issues are at the root of a lot of marital problems. Make a rule that you should both be involved in large financial decisions. Discuss ways to keep each other in the loop.” – yes, that means it might take you a good five years to get a High-Def TV, but on the converse, you can take just as long to buy a diamond necklace!
“You both had relationships prior to the marriage. Friendships are important, but if your wife is uncomfortable with any of those prior relationships, discuss ways you can make her more comfortable.” – translation: ditch the ex’s. Ask them to change their numbers and maybe even move.
“Merging lives has its own challenges; avoid excluding each other even if you always used to do something a certain way before. Give your wife an option to join you now” – especially if she’s a really good bowler.
“If she needs to make lists to detailed how things will be handled, support that.” – my wife never met a list she did not like. Just try your best to stay off the hit list, guys!
“Communication is the key in the first months of marriage. It’s easy to get caught back up inot the rhythms of life and to forget that there is someone else to consider. Talk before and after the wedding about your expectations, dreams and goals.” — I’m sorry, what was that? I was trying to fix the contrast on the TV…
“Saying ‘I love you’ never gets old. Showing your affection with little gestures and thoughtful gifts of appreciation are excellent ways to maintain the romance.” – guys, don’t wait til you screw up to buy flowers. But speaking of “I love you,” I just saw a piece by Joy Behar where she complains that “I love you” is becoming everybody’s favorite way of saying “good-bye” nowadays, and she HATES it! Don’t overuse it, she warns. Don’t make it the equivalent of “have a nice day!”
Well, there you have it. Now I’ll have to see what advice wives give to wives…. after the game finishes…