Here lies my wife in earthy mould/when she lived did naught but scold. Good friends go softly in your walking/lest she should wake and rise up talking
A man and his wife were visiting the holy land when his wife suffered a heart attack and passed away. Though obviously devastated, he had to answer several questions with regard to the disposition of his wife’s body. An official told him that he could bury his wife there in the Holy Land for $150, but if he wanted to take her home to the United States it would be $4000. The husband considered it for a long moment and then chose to take his wife home.
The official seemed puzzled for a few moments and then said, “Sir, I am not sure you understood. You can bury your wife here in the Holy Land for $150, but to take her home would cost you $4,000.”
The husband nodded. “I do understand. But you see a while back, there was a man who was buried here and he rose from the grave. I just can’t take that chance.”
You know the problem with fiction?
”In a novel the hero can lay ten girls and marry a virgin for the finish. In the movies, that is not allowed. The villain can lay anybody he wants, have as much fun and as he wants cheating, stealing, getting rich, and whipping servants. But you have to shoot him in the end.” – Herman Mankiewicz
More Marriage Funny Quotes:
- In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
- In marriage, the bride gets a shower. But for the groom, it’s curtains!
- Joint Checking Account: a handy little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw.
- Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other’s character before marriage, which is never advisable. — Oscar Wilde
- Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
- Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.
- Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
- Marriage is an institution – but who wants to live in an institution?
- Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo…
- Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
- Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
- Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
- My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.
- Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. — Groucho Marx
- The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don’t mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.
- I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me
Related Articles:
Friday Funnies: Bad Marriage Humor
Friday Funnies: Can We Have a Little More Friday Funny Marriage Humor?
Things You Should Never Say To Your Wife
Friday Marriage Funnies – Fun Marriage Quotes