Have you ever been trying to get something off your chest, just for the sake of release and a little understanding, only to have your spouse not only interrupt you, but also start blurting out solutions to your problem? Have you ever just wanted to shout, “Will you hush up and just listen?”
Many times in our relationships, we aren’t necessarily seeking advice, just some support. We want to vent, we want someone to respond in the affirmative, but we don’t necessarily want ideas or solutions. Sometimes we do, sure, but those other times it’s creeping around in the back of your mind, “Will you hush up and just listen?”
Well, guess what? You might just have to express that sentiment instead of simply thinking it. Of course, there are better, more sensitive –and more effective- ways to say it, but nonetheless, it may come down to letting your spouse know.
It can be very frustrating instead of comforting when somebody talks over you, tells you what to think, feel, or say, or tells you what you should have done in the situation you’re trying to describe. If you find that this is a problem, tell your spouse.
Here are some gentler ways to tell your spouse what you need:
“Honey, I really just need to let this out, but the solution is something I need to come up with on my own.”
“Sometimes, I just need to vent, and all I need is your ear for a few minutes and your arm around me.”
“Sweetie, I know you mean well, but I’m just thinking out loud. I’m not really asking for answers.”
You might still be thinking, “Will you hush up and just listen?” but it will come out softer and nicer, and in a way that is less likely to put your spouse on the defensive.
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