Being married means making adjustments. It means adapting to living with another person and considering, and where possible accommodating their interests, likes and dislikes as well as your own. This is important in bed as well as in other places.
When we first got married Mick said, ‘Why do you want to chat as soon as we get into bed?’
Having talking to a number of women it’s something more than a few of us are guilty of.
I suspect it’s because when we get into bed, we start to replay the day in our minds. We’re thinking about what we have do the next day, what we’ve left undone, what we should have said, and a whole raft other things. Quite simply the brain needs to unwind. If we’re tense, worried, excited, nervous it needs an outlet. As a result, once the lights are out, it starts to pour out in a stream of chatter.
Most men however, go to bed with one of two things in mind, either sex or sleep. The last thing they want to become involved in is a deep and meaningful conversation or even hear about the details and trivialities of the day.
Now I can’t say I always manage to cut the chatter once I get into bed, but it is something I am aware of and I do try and curtail it more often than not.
As someone said recently when offering a friend advice about marriage ‘It’s not easy and the first five years are the hardest.’ Mainly because not matter how long you have known each other, you are still getting used to being in the marriage relationship and thinking of another person. Marriage requires give and take, but if you’ve found the right one, it’s more than worth the compromises needed.
Maybe we need to remember these words ‘If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me,’ W. H. Auden.
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