Have you heard of the Perils of Pauline? Have you met this damsel in distress? While considered a stock character in fiction, I’ve seen her represented in real life as the woman who is constantly in need of rescue, not because she needs as dictated by the story, but because she wants to be. On the surface, she may seem smart, capable and strong, yet as she gets to know someone – she begins to actively generate the impression that she needs a big, strong man to rescue her.
Basing Marriage and Marriage Expectations on the Myth
This may sound harsh, but if you have had this experience or seen a marriage based on the idea that the woman played the role of the damsel in distress needing rescue then you have seen a marriage founded on a poor, if unstable foundation. There are several reasons why it is problematic for a couple to marry on this basis.
The first is that while she may enjoy the ‘rescue’ briefly, she will eventually begin to resent being coddled. It’s a catch-22, I know. There is also the distinct problem that she will firmly believe that her spouse or love interest really doesn’t know her at all and if she has been playing the damsel in distress role – then she is right.
The second is that the husband to be may begin to resent the lack of partnership he feels and not believe that someone who needs rescue can be his equal. He may feel that for support, emotional or otherwise, he has to reach outside the relationship. This, as we are all aware, can be disastrous for the couple in question.
Feeling Needed
Men and women alike both need to feel needed. Helping out someone, rescuing them – it’s heady stuff. But when you constantly have to do it – it gets tiresome and old. We expect people around us to grow, develop and learn from their mistakes. We expect them to evolve as adults and individuals. Perhaps those expectations are unrealistic – but when you base a relationship on a myth of popular culture or ancient archetypes – you are asking for trouble for both of you.
Do you know a couple that have experienced problems like these?
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