We talked about marriage secrets a couple of days ago, but let’s talk about a secret of marriage that we all want access too. This secret, of course, is how to stay in love. We all want to be in love with our spouses. Who wouldn’t want to be in love? Being in love is a wonderful feeling and it’s incredibly uplifting and it’s intoxicating. What can be more incredible and intoxicating than being in love with your spouse?
So How Do You Stay In Love?
The keys to staying in love begin with accepting that love doesn’t just happen – it takes effort and it takes work. When you work at a relationship, you keep it fresh, you keep it well tended and you keep the love alive. Your garden doesn’t just grow – well, actually it does. It can grow weeds and wild flowers. There can be some startlingly beautiful wild flowers that appear in your garden. These wild flowers can be similar to the startling moments of warmth, passion and love that flare between you and your spouse in those unexpected moments.
The weeds that grow in your garden can be pretty profuse too. And just like your marriage, if you don’t get rid of the weeds, they can choke out all the wonderful moments. It can be hard to see the flowers for the abundance of weeds. Weeds don’t need loving care, they just need some fertile ground to go nuts in. Staying in love is a lot like managing a prize winning garden – you have to put in some time and effort to keep it that way.
Who Has the Time for That Much Work?
The modern couple is pretty busy these days and most of us don’t have time to pull weeds every day, but – as any good gardener knows – if you take the time to pull some weeds every day, when you get down to the gardening work on weekends – there’s no where near as many weeds to rip out and there’s a lot more flowers to take care of.
This analogy applies to your marriage as well. You take the time to pull some weeds every day and to make sure the sprinklers are turned on the areas that need the tending – and you and your spouse can maintain your ability to be in love – this can make your weekends or other quality time together more valuable to both of you.
No one can tell you where the weeds are in your marriage and no one can tell you what flowers or wild flowers you should cultivate. No one can tell you what configuration you should plant them in. No one can tell you anything about your marriage – but one good way to learn where the weeds are in your relationship is to look at the neglected corners. Examine the areas that you don’t do much with – do you not cuddle that much anymore? That may be the place to start. Do you not share many meals together? That may be another place to tend.
Think about the things you did when your relationship was fresh and alive and then think about the things you do now. While natural change is to be expected – if there are just areas of your relationship that you or he or both are neglecting – then it’s time to start tending to those areas. Don’t expect it to change over night – because even when you pull all the weeds, you need to give the garden time to recover after you fertilize it and you have to keep tending to it in order to see it grow.
How do you tend to your marriage?
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Understanding Ourselves: Why We Get Married